Monday, April 02, 2007

What does it mean to deepen your marriage?

Recently my brother told me about a series at his church called Love Song. I plan to listen to all of the series, but one title caught my eye, the art of deepening. After 10 1/2 years of marriage and still liking one another, we are finding that most everything you read about marriage talks about conflict resolution, love languages, time management, etc. All of that is important and still meaningful to us, but I love the idea of deepening our relationship. So here is what I know works and I would love to hear about your suggestions for a deeper relationship.

praying together

attending marriage seminars

reading books about your marriage together

making lists throughout the day to talk about at night

laughing together



Monica... I love marriage posts. I don't think there is enough. Often times, the longer the marriage, the less time is spent nurturing it. Lea and I have a great marriage, but not by accident. We've worked at it. We've had to overcome some "love busters" and traits that were not good for our marriage.

Are personalities are very different, and there is pros and cons in that. But we've always worked at it. We've taken and taught 5 HIS NEEDS HER NEEDS classes together, we've attend lots of marriage seminars.

The point is I still continue to try and win her everyday and she does the same. We realize there are times when we put more focus on the kids than our marriage, but we always work through that and refocus.

I think there are a couple of vital things to our marriage. They might not work for others, but they are great for ours.

1 - Date night. We still go on dates.

2 - We pray together. There's more oneness and intimacy in that than any other single thing.

3 - We try to meet each others needs. I know what she likes (and visa versa) and we focus on these things.

lisa leichner said...

This is just a small thing, but I try to tell my husband often how much I appreciate what he does to support our family -- I think that goes under knowing that one of his needs is Admiration (right, Trey?). I think one of the things you can do to deepen a marriage is doing the small things for each other instead of letting the small things be squeezed out. We also try to have date nights, and play tennis together when it's warm enough. And sacrifice. Not bragging about what you sacrifice for your spouse, but rather letting him know, "I decided to give up playing softball this year because I know it takes me away from time with you, and I'd rather have that."


Lisa ... good job on the admiration. Men need it a bunch. I love it when my wife pours on the admiration.

Neva said...

Great post. I agree with Trey, never too many marriage posts. Ned and I have talked about the concept of "Deepening" often. We both try to outspoil the other. When things outside our marriage get rocky and crazy and we feel them creeping in whether in time, stress, etc. we try to spoil each other. We know that if we treat each other like we did right before and when we first got married, we will both be happier and more content, our relationship deeper.
Good thoughts

Mommysmart said...


I always appreciate your thoughts on this topic. We don't do date night often enough. That is our new goal. Thanks for your advice.


I agree about the small things. We have also talked about joining a sports group. Do you kids just come along with you guys?


I like that term "outspoil". I will work to bring that idea into our lives.

I think about you often when we pray in the mornings. We are now using your suggestion of assigning different people for different days. Of course, we pray for our marriage on mondays. Probably why that is on my mind on mondays.

Thanks everyone!